Disclaimer: The following story is a parody of The Vision of Escaflowne, copyrighted by Sunrise and Emotion. The author means absolutely no disrespect towards the series or creators of this series, since it is one of greatest anime series ever produced. Arigato Gozimasu!
Hitomi looked around at her new surroundings. They were on a large green field, edging a lush forest. Yup, this was Gaea. A trade caravan of wolfmen were approaching them, and the leader began to speak with Van. Within minutes, the two of them were riding to Van’s kingdom, Fanelia. Hitomi smiled, at least some things were still the same.
“So, why were you calling me Van, anyway?” The young prince asked while they traveled.
“I um… don’t know…” Hitomi then stammered out. What, his name wasn’t even Van?
“That’s okay, but just so you know, my name is Fan. Fan Servéce, from the kingdom of Servécia.”
“Oh, okay. Hi Fan.” Hitomi smiled at him. That name wasn’t too bad… “Do, what do you do?” she then asked him.
“Oh, I’m the prince.” Fan then replied. “Once we get back, I’m to be crowned king, although that isn’t my true dream.”
“Oh, then what is your true dream?” She then asked. What in the world could he be that would be better than being the king? Fan sighed.
“To be an idol singer.” He replied.
“A WHAT?!?” Hitomi exclaimed, thoroughly shocked.
“An idol singer. You don’t approve?” Fan then asked, concerned.
“No, it’s not that. I… I just wasn’t expecting you to say that.” Hitomi replied. She didn’t. The Fan, the Van she knew only wanted to be good king… a definitely NOT an idol singer.
“Oh, okay.” Fan said smiling warmly. “ I guess it isn’t everyone’s dream. But, it is mine. I’m even singing at my coronation, at the people’s request.”
“That’ll be nice.”
“Yeah. Oh well, it will be a little while before reach the kingdom. We should get some rest.”
“Oh yeah… what’s your name? I forgot to ask.”
“That’s a pretty name. Well, good night.” Fan finished as he fell asleep. Hitomi soon followed suit, for she was quite an exhausted girl.
The two woke up the next morning, riding into the kingdom of Servécia. As they rode through the kingdom, which happened to look exactly like Fanelia, somewhat feudal Japan-esque, Fan suddenly cringed.
“What’s wrong?” Hitomi then asked, worried.
“Wait.” was all Fan said, looking as if he was preparing for the worst. He wasn’t far off.
Many an otaku have wondered, is there anything that could be possibly be as horrible as an army of laughing Nahgas (from Slayers fame)? Or something that was even worse? Actually, there is, and many otaku have realized it, but are too afraid to even speak of the evil that is involved; besides using it in fanfaction. This otaku, however, holds no such disillusions. You have been warned.
The worst came.
“FAN-SAMA!!!” came the cry of hundreds of Merles, obnoxious 12-year old cat girls, as they came charging down heading for their prince. Fan quickly recovered and jumped down from the wagon into the mosh pit of glomping Merles. Hitomi just sat there in shock, then fainted. Somewhere, and old woman prayed for salvation from the gods.
Dilandu looked around at his surroundings. He looked at them long and hard, trying to remember every last detail. He had always found comfort here, and he never knew when it would be the last time that he would see it. He never knew when that voice would come claim him. Unfortunately, it would claim him sooner than he liked. Then again, it always did.
“Oh Dilandau honey!” came the voice, and the body that was attached to it. The voice was high and yet still obviously higher than it should be. Dilandau sniffled. He could already smell the feathers and cat hair. He really hated allergies. The man with the overly high voice stepped out of shadows. He was tall, slender, handsome, obviously bishounen. His hair was short and blue, and had a rainbow tattoo under his left eye. He wore the standard Zaibach military outfit that was worn by all Sorcerers, but wore a pink bathrobe over it like a cloak, along with his bright orange boa around his neck, matching his left cybernetic arm. Vulcan Servéce, the gay lord of Zaibach, had come. Dilandau just looked up at Vulcan, and sighed.
“Yes, lord Vulcan?” he plaintively asked.
“Hey there hubby, I thought I should tell you it is time to go raid Servécia now.”
“Do I have to?”
“Yes hun, you do. Oh, and while you are at it, be a dear and take HER too.” Vulcan lifted up part of his bathrobe, and the small cat-girl shot out of onto the ceiling, looking about, purring. “Why they wanted to take a Merle and use the Fate Alteration Device to meld her into YOU I don’t understand, but maybe she’ll die this time.” Vulcan whispered into Dilandau’s ear as Merlandau looked about, proud that she was able to help out Folken-sama. It was truly a sad incident, with even sadder consequences. During one night, in an alcohol and drug-induced haze, the Sorcerers, or Zaibach’s elite scientists, decided since their last experiment, Dilandau, turned out to be a flop (he was supposed to be an insane, pyro-mantic villain, but instead turned out to be a wuss), they thought perhaps a Merle would do the job better. Perhaps then she would become the perfect warrior. And that night, they succeeded in their quest. Perhaps too well. For she “combined the obnoxious squeakiness of Merle with the sheer insanity of Dilandau,”i and plus enough extra hormones to choke a horse. Another strange occurrence is that she remembers thing exactly how they happened in The Vision of Escaflowne, instead of how they transpire in this fanfic. (Will wonders never cease?) Dilandau just looked at Vulcan, and shrugged.
“Okay, sure. Why not?” the lead WormSlayer replied.
“Oh good. Peachy.” Vulcan said, then grinned. “Now let me hear that good ole laugh of yours.”
“Do I have to?” Dilandau whined. He hated this part.
“Come on…” Vulcan pleaded, throwing his cyberarm around Dilandau’s shoulders. “You know you want to…”
“Not really.” Dilandau replied.
“Pwetty pwease, Dilly-willy?” Vulcan pleaded.
“No.” Dilandau stated.
“Do it, or tonight I’ll be extra rough.” Vulcan said.
“Ha-ha…” Dilandau began.
“Come on.” Vulcan again pleaded.
“Hahaha…” Dilandau started to laugh a little harder.
“Now.” Vulcan said, this time with a slight edge. He meant business.
“Nya-Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaa… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! MOEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Dilandau went into his whole insane villain act, perking up Merlandau’s ears.
“WAI!” she squealed as she bounded off the ceiling, and glomped Dilandau, sending them both to the ground. Dilandau sighed, as the cat-girl stayed attached to him as he got up, playing with his hair. This was definitely going to be a long day.
Hitomi finally woke up, and looked about in her new surroundings. She was in a room in she guessed to be the castle of Fanelia… Servévia. She shook her head, trying to clear her head and grasp the situation. She had apparently been sent to another dimension. That was quite clear and obvious. And it greatly resembled the anime The Vision of Escaflowne, but there were still many differences between the two. The overall appearance was the same, as well as the people that resided in it. However, everything was just a little… off. She shook her head again. Maybe she was just going crazy? Maybe this was just a dream? No… No, she was still pretty sure she was still sane, and that she wasn’t dreaming. She just wished she were… either of them.
Hitomi’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. “Come in!” she called, and the door opened. And old warrior stepped in. He looked to be in his late 60’s but still very able and strong. He wore some light, but fancy armor, and was covered in scars.
“Greetings madam. Thank you saving King Fan.” the old man spoke.
“It was my pleasure.” Hitomi said as she got up an out of bed, and smiled. “I’m Hitomi.”
“I am Bogus.” he replied, returning the smile. “If you would come with me, we will still have time to see King Van’s coronation concert. You were still dead asleep while he was being crowned, so he decided that you needed your sleep more than to see a mere formality. It is not every day we get somebody from Detroit.”
“Yes.” Bogus pointed out to a window, into the sky, pointing at the Earth. “Detroit. That’s what we call it. You came from there, yes?”
“Why yes, I did. Though we call that place the Earth.”
“The… Earth. What a horrible name…”
“Umm, I am somewhat fond of it… so what do you call this world?”
“Canada. Come, if we do not hurry we shall miss the kingdom’s anthem. King Fan just rewrote just for this occasion. If you would, you bring your duffel bag with you.” He gestured towards her bag, and then left to wait in the hall. Hitomi got up, freshened up a tad, grabbed your bag and the two departed for the concert.
As they walked over to the amphitheater, Bogus sighed. “I suppose I should warn you… There will be Merles. Many of them.”
“You means ones that glomped Van when I first came here?”
“Yes. They all seemed irrevocably attached to him. It happened several years ago. Only a few came at first, and that was bad enough. Next thing you know, they started appearing by the dozens. Now the country is full of them. The citizens are just now getting used to them. That is, the ones that are left. Most have either left, or committed suicide.”
“That’s horrible…” Hitomi uttered quietly.
“Yes, but it also gave the country an excellent defense. No one wants to even come near us with an army. And with Fan around, they stay more or less civil… So trade hasn’t completely died.” Hitomi just nodded. They had reached the top of the amphitheater. It was like a miniature valley… filled to the brim with Merles. “Here we can listen to Fan sing well enough, and the screaming of the Merles will mostly be directed around themselves. It works out well enough. Hitomi looked about, noticing several archaic-looking mecha around the amphitheater.
“What are those?” she asked. She knew that she would call them Melefs, but she wasn’t quite sure what Bogus would say.
“They are Melgibsons. There are larger types, and they are called Guymelgibsons.”
“Does Servécia have any Guymelgibsons?”
“Yes. It has been in the royal family for generations. An ancient, but powerful Guymelgibson created by Hispano.”
“Yes. Oh good, it’s starting.” The two sat down as Fan stepped up o the stage, in full regalia. The Merles immediately began screaming for him, but he soon began to start up the band, and quieted down somewhat, much like an enraged elephant sees a mouse. Something Hitomi immediately jerked when the music began to play. There was something wrong with this music. Some horribly, undoubtedly, and unquestionably evil in this music. Not the Marilyn Manson kind of evil, something much more… pure. Purely and divinely evil. She wasn’t quite sure what it was at first, but then Fan began to sing, and it all became clear.
“Tsuki no mukou aoi Searchlight kasanaru Totsuzen mai orita Angel, sou kimi wa dare?” (Beyond the moon, blue searchlights overlap. Suddenly an angel alights, so who are you?)
“Ima unmei no tobira ga hiraku So Just Fall In Love Munasawagi suru kono shunkan wo nogasanai Don’t Stop, Baby” (Now the door of fate has opened, So just fall in love. Feeling uneasy, don’t release this moment, Don’t stop baby)
“Yakesouna kimi no Mystic Eyes Mujakina egao de Breaking Down Kimi dake ni hitomi no oku no aizu Hatenai tabi wa hajimaru mou tomaranai mune no kodou Kimi wo saratte yukitai” (It seems they’re burning, your Mystic Eyes. Your innocent smiling face, Breaking Down. Only you have that sign within your eyes. The unending journey is starting, my heart won’t stop racing I want to carry you away.)ii
Oh my god… It’s… It’s… MYSTIC EYES! Hitomi thought with utmost horror. If there was ever such a more horrid, evil, and putrid song on the face of… well… Detroit, she had not heard it. No, this turn of events was something truly evil. No, not just evil, this turn of events was just plain wrong. And what was even worse, he was singing it again as an encore for the Merles. She just sat there drooling, when Bogus looked over smiling.
“Oh don’t worry, miss Hitomi. He’ll probably just do this song all night. Everyone here loves it. This new arrangement is the best yet.”
All… Night? No… No… All Hitomi wanted right was something, anything to stop this… this… evil. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, she got her wish. About that time buildings stated to go ablaze left and right, stopping the concert and send the whole kingdom in mass hysteria. Merles began to pour our screaming their loud little heads off, running like mad lemmings towards undefined large bodies of water. Bogus just looked around and, grimaced.
“Zaibach…” He said as he looked around, seeing his fellow men-at-arms being cut down like vanilla wafers. “Fan! Get miss Hitomi and yourself to the Chamber of the Worm! Awaken Escawormie and escape!” he yelled down to the young king.
“Okay! Good luck Bogus! Come one Hitomi!” Fan yelled back, and started to run back to the castle. Hitomi, sighed, and followed him. It would figure that Zaibach would attack… at least they were still named Zaibach.
Merlandau was torching things left and right with her flame-throwers and Crima Claws in her pink Alsalads of death. Dilandau was doing the same thing, but wasn’t having nearly as much fun. Merlandau, however, was having a blast.
Fan and Hitomi finally reached the Chamber of Worms. It was a large, doomed room made of stone. In the center of the floor laid a large, intricately painted circle, and above it hovering near the ceiling was a large block of hoverstone. Van stood near the edge of the circle, and raised up the piece of energist that he had gotten from the gigantic walrus. He cut his right index finger with his word and pressed the finger to the stone, which it absorbed the blood and began to faintly glow. He then called out to large block of hoverstone “I am a large, bloated fish! Come out so I can eat you, ESCAWORMIE!”
The large block of hoverstone began to crack and chip, until finally the title mecha busted out of the hoverstone and crashed into ground, though stayed completely intact and unharmed, thanks to a local plot devise. (Thank you local plot devise!) Hitomi looked upon the mighty Guymelgibson as Fan stepped into it. It looked just like the Escaflowne from the TV series, beautiful, white, and medieval looking, with a wide red cape draped upon the shoulders, along with the transparent red stone that energist was stored in, the power source for the mecha on Canada. It was absolutely stunning, till she looked below the torso. Even though the to half of Escawormie looked like Escaflowne, the bottom half was formed in the likeness of a worm. Hence the name, she realized. Fan, who was trying out the mecha, looked at her, and laughed.
“What did you expect, legs or something? Gods know that legs couldn’t hold up a Melgibson or a Guymelgibson’s weight. If it weren’t for the Hispano’s discovery of the WormBody over a thousand years ago, who knows what would have happened? But come on, we got to get going. They’ll be chasing us soon.” He held out Escawormie’s hand, and Hitomi got in. The two then ran from the kingdom, off to places unknown, just somewhere where they can be safe.
i This character is not mine, but was an original character created preEscawormie by Sailor Freak. http://www.angelfire.com/de2/freak/merlandau.html
ii This is the ending them for the Escaflowne TV series. Not only is the song horrible, but is also completely different from the rest of the series WONDERFUL soundtrack by Yoko Kanno. The words and translation was found at http://ds.dial.pipex.com/asbel/eyes_lyr.htm